Banter B******t
- Tim Lambert
- Apr 9
- 3 min read
We all like to have fun at work, don’t we? Sometimes the work itself is fun, if we are lucky enough to do a job we love. Sometimes the work itself is dreary but the camaraderie with colleagues makes it bearable and even enjoyable. The b******t promoted by the anti-woke brigade is that anti-discrimination and harassment legislation makes fun at work an impossibility. “What’s wrong with a bit of banter?” they say. Well, as it turns out, quite a lot.
According to the Cambridge Dictionary banter is ‘teasing or joking talk that is amusing and friendly’. It is also described as ‘an exchange of light, playful, teasing remarks; good-natured raillery’. Perhaps if this is what people meant when they cite banter, we wouldn't have such a problem, but sadly, the reality can be quite different.
Throughout my career, working with clients to create safe and inclusive working cultures, I have come across many people who home in on banter as an excuse for their offensive comments and behaviour. For them banter is any derogatory comment about another person that they personally find funny, irrespective of the effect it has on the other person. The banter apologists often back up their justification with comments like, ‘they should toughen up’, or ‘it’s only a bit of fun’, or ‘its harmless’. Is it though? Is it harmless? How do you know?
Throughout the many Culture Shaping workshops I have facilitated, I encourage people to take a beat before they speak, and during that pause to ask themselves these questions:
Are my comments likely to cause offence to someone? How will I know?
Am I certain that my comments can’t be interpreted as ‘micro-aggressions’/little digs? [Micro-aggressions may be well-intentioned comments, but when repeated can make an individual feel understood only by one stereotype and therefore judged unfairly.]
Will my comments be seen as invalidating someone?
Will my comment make my colleague(s) feel uncomfortable or threatened?
Are my ‘jokes’ against a protected category?
‘Banter’ is used as a lazy excuse for bad behaviour. It often shows a lack of moral courage and signifies a deficit of empathy or care for the people around us. It is an imposition (“I find it funny so, I assert my right to say it, irrespective of what you think.”). But banter, according to its definition, is meant to be a good natured, friendly exchange. This is a far cry from what many people who defend banter actually practice.
So, what are acceptable exchanges between colleagues? Perhaps a simple list is needed.
Humour is appropriate between two equal parties by mutual consent.
Humour is appropriate where there are agreed boundaries in the group that reflect the varied sensitivities of everyone in that group. (That is, not imposed by the loudest or most powerful voice.)
Make sure you have the permission to joke about certain topics.
Be kind and caring, always considering the impact your words can have.
Be mindful where there is a power imbalance. People in more junior roles may feel uncomfortable because of your comments but not feel able to tell you so.
There are so many amusing things to talk about without having to resort to offensive themes, so don’t be lazy! It is entirely possible to have fun at work and enjoy playful exchanges with colleagues without relying on old provocative comedy chestnuts that went out with the dark ages (or should have done).
There is no justification for humour that:
Intimidates
Invalidates
Undermines
Threatens
Targets protected characteristics
Is based on offensive stereotypes
Uses offensive language and references
Is of a sexual nature
Is predatory
Is salacious
Is creepy
Is demeaning
Makes other people feel usurped, bullied or harassed
That shouldn’t be hard, should it?
So, let’s cut the banter b******t, and deploy more sophisticated communication that promotes psychological safety, strong collaborative relationships, and enjoyable working environments for all employees.
Tim Lambert
Kay-Lambert Associates
Copyright April 2025
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